On the anniversary of the accident that took my mom's life, I have several thoughts and emotions running through my mind. As the years go on, I am becoming more at peace with the fact that she is not here, but in a much much better place. I can't even imagine the paradise! It is through prayer and faith in a loving Savior that I have been healed from the pain of our tragedy. I still have images in my mind that I wish could be erased. I have painful memories that I can't forget. And I have guilt that just overwhelms me some days. With that being said, grief is grief. I know now that it will never end. There will ALWAYS be days when I miss my mom. At every family gathering, it is a reality to me that she is gone. She should be here, but she isn't. And that is a pain that is indescribable. The more I learn about grief, the more I understand that it is OK to be sad. It is OK to have days when you feel like you're picking your heart up off the floor and forcing it back in your chest, just so you can function for the rest of the day. I am so blessed that these hard days are few and far between. I can look at my life and see how my experiences with grief can become a blessing to me and many others. I truly believe that grief changes the person you are. I have been told by several people that my compassion surpasses that of the average person. I am not, by any means, claiming to be perfect. But I know that the pain and experiences that have occurred in my life have changed me. I have learned to rely on Heavenly Father. I have handed Him my shattered heart and He has healed it. And that is something that has changed the person I am. I am more sensitive. Some might see this as a flaw. Especially when we live in a world where we are encouraged to be tough. Because I have lost a baby and have experienced that grief, I appreciate my children more and love them more openly and deeply. If you know someone who is grieving the loss of a loved one, I would encourage you to love them through it. If you don't know what to say, don't say anything. Hugs don't require any words. I wish more people would have understood this as I was coping with my losses.
As I end this post, I would like to express my gratitude for those who have supported me and my family through our trials. I love you and appreciate you more than you know. There are too many people to name, but please just know that I thank Heavenly Father for you daily.