The truth is that I've had the most horrible 4 weeks ever. And the truth is that I don't feel like I have very many people who I can talk to, who will support me and not judge me. I'm sure a lot of feeling this was is my own fault. I worry too much about what people will think. And I need people's approval to feel good about myself. Horrible, I know. But that's just how it is.
In mid June, I chose to have a surgery that would for sure better my life. And I have to remind myself that in the long run, it will still better my life. After battling multiple sores that caused major infection in my body, I decided to have an abdominoplasty. It's technically what most people call a "tummy tuck". The Dr removed 9 pounds... NINE POUNDS of skin from me belly. Crazy, I know. She told me that average is about 3-4 pounds of skin. So I was double or triple that much!!
The first few days of recovery were literally excruciating. Not that anyone ever reads this, but if someone is reading this and considering this surgery... DON'T DO IT!!! Unless you have medical issues that would be resolved by having this surgery done. My personal opinion is it's so not worth it, just to have a flat tummy. Although, I might be slightly biased, as my recovery has been a nightmare. Keep in mind that the surgery was TOP SECRET. My belly button went necrotic (died, turned black, disgusting). My incision is approx. two inches behind one hip, all the way across to two inches behind my other hip. And OF COURSE, four separate places in my incision came open. The Dr calls is "separation", but whatever!! I have big pieces of my incision that are still completely wide open and I am almost 4 weeks post op. At 4 weeks, my pain is manageable, my belly button is probably 90% back to normal, and the main thing is keeping up with all the dressing changes and keeping everything clean and dry. So, it's more annoying than anything else.
Really only my family and very closest friends knew about my surgery and I fully intended to keep it that way. Until everything seemed to drag on and on. I have been needing more and more help and getting very depressed. My sisters are busy with their own lives and it's such a burden when I ask other people for help. I'm not one to just sit around. I was warned that after a couple of weeks, I would start to get depressed. But I seriously thought it wouldn't affect me. I was not prepared for it. Sitting around all day long and never being able to leave the house. Not being able to take a shower without help, not even being able to brush my own hair, seriously the whole thing just SUCKS!!
Things have been looking up the last few days! I have noticed a huge decrease in my pain level. I am able to move around a little better. I am not embarrassed about my surgery anymore. I don't really care who knows. I had it done and I am happy with my decision. It will be life changing for me. And I will be so much healthier without all the infection and painful sores. My blood sugars have been way better and I've been able to decrease the amount of insulin I am getting through my pump. It was a blessing for me to be able to have this done. I just need to keep my eye on the prize. And, I need for people to know what is going on with me, so that they can know how to help me. I have really had to humble myself this last month and allow people to serve me and my family. So many people have wanted to know what was wrong or how they could help, but I was too embarrassed to tell them. So there you have it. I am a caring mother and wife, I serve my family to the best of my ability, I love my Savior and do my best to follow Him, my Savior and my family are #1 to me, AND I had a "medically necessary tummy tuck". I guess the people who judge me and have negative things to say aren't really good friends anyways. And for those who have supported me, brought meals, vacuumed and mopped my floors, helped me shower, given me rides to dr appts... THANK YOU! You have been an answer to my prayers and a blessing to me and my family.
3 comments:
Health reasons are health reasons whether it's physical health or mental health. If this makes you feel better physically and or mentally in the long run then it's great! Recuperation from surgery sucks and I hope it gets better for you fast :) I had surgery when I was 19 to get my boobs fixed. Not sure if you've ever heard of tuberous breasts but it's very not cool. It wasn't a health hazard to me but I couldn't wear swimsuits without having to have my mom modify them for me so you couldn't tell how lopsided my boobs were and I had to wear a prosthetic in my bra through most of high school. It even fell out a few times during colorguard practice and that was tons of fun! If this surgery makes you feel better about yourself then it's a great thing for you and everybody who cares about you should feel the same way :) You're awesome!
I am sorry you have had to go through this and felt you were somewhat a lone. You are such a nice and wonderful person. You do what you need to do for you!!! I am sorry recovery has been so hard on you. Let me know if I can help!! Hang in there. You've got a friend in me and many others!!
Get well Stacey, sorry things are rough for you right now!
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